6 posts tagged “insanity”

I hate Facebook. I'm assuming that Facebook has kidnapped all my blogging friends since they have not posted in a long long time. My extreme hatred for Facebook is so extreme that I have awakened from my long blog slumber and now I am angry and hungry like a bear in spring (or whenever they wake up from hibernation). And the only thing that will extinguish this angry hungry state is much entries from everyone I know. Entries that I shall read during my long leisurely hours at "work". One would think that I might as well join "the Facebook revolution" since I have so much free time. No. No no no no no. No no. No. No. I already spend most my working hours and leisure time with my face plastered to a screen. I'm not about to live out my social life there as well. Seriously guys (and girls), I've got to draw the line at that. It's sad. Can't you see it's sad?? STOP FACEBOOKING!!!!

p.s. I refuse to go and read Kenny freaking Sia to alleviate my boredom.

Dear Mr. International Terrorist Cell Master,

Following the non-appearance of your jihad soldiers at 0800 yesterday morning at our pre-arranged rendezvous location, my plans to strike and eliminate certain key members of our oppressors lie in ruin. Following decades of ruthless dictatorship and blatant lies to the innocent construction workers of our tiny nation, we were afforded this one-off opportunity to take out these infidels with one surgical assault on their secret hiding place. However, due to your inept organisation we have now lost this chance to end the suffering of our peoples forever. In addition, I will bill to your account these 4 foot wooden stakes we had purchased to impale and display their decapitated heads as a reminder for future generations against the mistreatment of our peoples and our forefathers. You have truly destroyed the dreams of generations of innocent construction workers.

Had your jihad soldiers arrived at the pre-arranged time and place, it would have been as simple as planting plastic explosives on the 2 foot thick lead enty access lock, storming and eliminating the guards in the midst of the confusion and then taking captive these infidels for further 'questioning' at our underground headquarters. Suffice to say they would have a very painful anatomy lesson... the parts of their body that they can and cannot survive with, and the pain associated with removing each of these slowly... with a blunt weapon. This would, in our eyes, be a fitting repayment for the slow and painful process they have put us through in the normally swift undertaking of road construction.

However, you failed miserably despite all of your assurances to the contrary. We had long held the opinion that rogue elite soldiers from secret para-military-para-government-para-intelligence organisations provided far superior service compared to you rabble, but you convinced us with your 50% off vouchers and free demonstrations of your destructive capabilities in democratic countries. So we went along with your organisation against our better judgement only to be proved right by your no show yesterday. Now even the most ineffective of secret para-military-para-government-para-intelligence organisations wish to have nothing to do with us upon discovering our association with your ramshackle group of so called 'professionals'. We are the laughing stock of the entire contracting federation, doomed to yet more generations of slavery and drudgery.

In line with the conditions of our agreement, we have no choice now but to engage the services of the ex-Afgan-ex-Iraqi-ex-Pakistani-ex-Iranian defected logistics agents. They are extremely costly to hire, however at the very least, they managed to demonstrate advanced planning and foresight in transporting and removing what is known to the Western world as WMD from the now US colony of Iraq to the secret offshore location of Hawaii. We will acquire these weapons of mass destruction and unleash them upon these invertebrates once we have demobilised to a safe distance from ground zero. We will also be passing on the costs to you for our week-long meeting with these ex-Afgan-ex-Iraqi-ex-Pakistani-ex-Iranian defected logistics agents in Hawaii. We trust that you will not divulge this information to anyone prior to the execution of this plan B. We do not wish to be forced to unleash the sick and twisted form of biological warfare known only by the top secret code name of 'Mardi Gras' upon your extremely fundamentalist home nations.

Regards, Frustrated Engineer

NO MORE POSTS FROM ME UNTIL SOMEONE DIES.

[Chorus]

I am going crazy
Just when I thought I said all I could say
I came up with more crazy stuff today
I am going crazy
All this work that I've got to do
I guess I gotta give part 2 of me going crazy
If I'm going crazy then I've got to blog it all
I'll chuck a sad if I get another phone call
All this work that I don't want to do
Instead I'll give you part two of me going crazy

[Verse 1]

Now this gon' be the hardest thing I think I ever had to do
Got me talkin' to myself askin' how I'm gon' get through
Handling all those people I gotta deal with, deal with
Scan all these documents and then email it
The first thing that came to mind was flu
Second thing was how do I convince them I'm sick and that it's true
Third thing was me wishin' that I never did what I did
Sign that AWA and get stuck in all this shit

[Chorus]

[Verse 2]

Stuck here for another ten days, tryna figure out
How I can restrain myself from breaking down and shout
-ing at all those idiots
But I need to stop bitchin', complainin'
Be a man and get it over with (over with)
I'm typing really fast
Forming all these words
Putting them together
They are starting to look weird
I open up Microsoft Outlook and click on new e-mail
Then attach all my work and send it with some CCs

[Chorus]

[Breakdown]

This by far is the craziest thing I think I've ever had to do
To tell you, my faithful readers
That I'm writing a song on my blog, about me going crazy
I hope you can imagine the words of this song as alternative lyrics
With the music of confessions part II by Usher
This ain't about my work
This ain't about my lack of sleep
It's about my sanity
Please

[Chorus]

Haha... for all those people shocked at the sudden insane twist to my blog, I am not serious/sarcastic all the time. I do unchain the wild horses in my brain sometimes and they run freeee. Freeee. That's the only way I maintain my sanity. I can't believe the week ended up so hectic and busy in the office. It was such a nice and tranquil time that I was having in the beginning, I could actually hear the echoes in the vacant space where my brain is meant to be. Then Mr. Stupid Superintendent decides to start being much more difficult than he normally is. Let me explain.

Normally on a construction project, there is a client. And that client normally hires a consultant to act as a superintendent to the project, which is basically someone who is knowledgable in the field to act on behalf of the client, who normally knows jack squat. It's no different in this project, the only two problems being that the superintendent is TOO knowledgable and the client THINKS that they know more than jack squat. Client is wrong. Superintendent is a pain in the ass. I'll talk more about the superintendent first. Pretentious client later.

Mr. SS (Stupid Superintendent) (now I'm getting a bit insecure about my spelling I better go check that I got it right. It's weird how when you type a word over and over it starts to look strange. Yup it's correct) is 70 years and advancing and has been in the construction industry for a long long time. Long before they used computers. Long before they had GPS. Long before people used logic to make decisions. And in this modern day and age, he has yet to apply these technological advances still (especially the last one). The first day that he got on site, he wasn't wearing bright orange highly visible shit AND decided that it was a wise decision to walk unannounced between two 20 tonne equipment which were in operation at the time. Not a wise move, unless you want to be squished like a bug. Unfortunately for us, he wasn't. Our safety representative on site saw the above indescretion and reported it to the relevant authorities. And as you would expect, the relevant authorities were the same client who employed him. They promptly covered it up and SS got pissed off at the person who dobbed him in. He made it his personal mission to find every possible fault to get rid of the safety rep and now she's gone (refer to my previous post - re: my colleague leaving).

Next paragraph. He seems to take delight in ordering everybody and anybody in sight to do anyting and everything EXCEPT what we've been sent there to do, which is to build a road. Which is fine, except a month later when we bill him for all the extra work and he writes a note back saying he's rejecting it. No reason given whatsoever. Read the contract. Suckers. And he goes on ordering us to do more and more extras for him. Do you think we are going to get paid for those? I don't think sooo. Now it's come to the point where we're on a standoff with him. We're not going to do anymore extra works at all. He's not going to let us do the work that we're supposed to do. Unless we get it certified by Traffic Experts X. Ok you've done that, now check that it's ok with Soil Testers Y. Oh ok, good you've done that, now hop on one leg and sing the Australian national anthem. You get the picture.

You'd think the client would realise that this guy is a few french fries short of a happy meal (I can't remember where I got that saying from, but it's not original) but to our great dismay the client is backing SS 100%. The client also takes great pleasure in teaching us how road construction should be done. Seriously, if you've hired a SS to deal with your road works contractor, then you do not know how to do it. If not, then do it yourself. Don't pay us peanuts and make us jump through hoops before we can do any meaningful work here in your crap ass town. Because we're turning into monkeys. Angry viral monkeys like those in Outbreak. Once every couple of days, the client or one of his compadres comes waltzing through our site and goes out of his way to point out a tiny little mistake that we've done and demand that we rectify it immediately as per the contract bla bla bla omg the whole place is going to explode and people are going to die screaming and writhing if we don't because it's unsafe what if someone walks in and falls into a hole, you haven't closed off all access points to the hole so someone might just walk and not see it and fall in and die. Are you -bleep- ing kidding me? First of all no one is meant to come in without our authorisation. Period. They will be liable for their own injury AND to us as well for trespassing. Secondly, do you seriously think that people would not notice a hole in the ground? At night maybe. Which brings me to my third point. It is a construction site. We dig holes. We put things into holes. We fill up holes. Thats what we do. Any Tom, Dick or Harry will not be allowed to wander around our site. Period. If they do, refer to point one. The client is crazy. Period.

In conclusion, people wonder why an angry Asian male can run around an engineering building and open fire on the professors and other innocent bystanders with two handguns. My answer: he couldn't find a shotgun. And. He. Was. Probably. Going. Crazy. Angry. Crazy.

(disclaimer: for all those idiotic people out there who I know will take this entry seriously and have serious concerns about my mental health and worry that I may start mass murdering innocents and report me to the relevant authorities and God knows what kind of stupid naive knee jerk reaction that you probably will have, you obviously have missed the irony and dry wit that is plastered all over this post. oh, but how could you even entertain such thoughts of killing, how could you make comparisons with recent tragic events in we-all-know-where, don't you have a heart Thad, don't you conform to social norms of silence on sensitive issues and the status quo? I leave that question for you, my dear socially anxious reader, to ponder upon as I crouch silently outside your bedroom window... watching... waiting...)

I think my blog entries have been a tad serious of late, so I shall temper that with a strong dose of insaaanity. Wooo. I shall now say randomly whatever pops up in my head. bananas. dragons. on a boat sailing over the moon. taking big bites out of the moon which is made of cheese. yellow putrid pungent cheese with a cherry on top, smiling down at the world as it is being chewed to little crumb-like pieces and falls into the forest of pine trees. where it is eaten by bears, fuzzy bears with long shaggy coats. now they clamber into the cave where drmcninja's family stays, and are promptly killed by waves and waves of shuriken. they are then skinned and their fur make nice rugs. not to mention bears are tasty after they eat pungent putrid cheese. cheese. cheese.