Simple truths

For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.

nobody@vox.com(thaddy) — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 02:11:11 +1100

It's been a struggle at work. In the midst of all this financial turmoil, people often come up to me and ask if the business is affected adversely by all the doom and gloom in the markets. The truth of it is that it isn't because of the markets that we're suffering right now. My boss has for one reason or another decided to abandon the tried and tested way of trading that we've been employing somewhat successfully in the last few months, and try some other new methods which seem to be promising but of which I know cannot possibly deliver the kinds of profits that he's hoping for. And I've spoken to him about my concerns, but he has chosen to ignore them. Call it greed, foolishness, hubris. I don't know. I've got a feeling that somehow my days are numbered at this place.

I've got a long term goal of starting my own trading firm. I thought that I could learn the ropes working with my current boss, but recently I'm thinking more and more that there's nothing more I can learn from him. I thought I could develop trading systems for him and take an override of the trading profits, but he seldom wants to commit capital to testing my ideas - while constantly throwing money away on his own. I decided recently that I've got to learn to trade for myself. I've been putting off trading my own account for a long time - everytime I do, I find myself losing money due to emotional trading and lack of discipline.

When in an environment with complete and utter freedom with no accountability and no external rules, as the markets are, it's easy to lose all restraint and engage in overly risky behaviour in pursuit of a profit. It's in this environment that I truly peer into the recesses of my own soul and I see something very very ugly lurking in there. There's this urge in me, to take risks, to seek out excitement, to stake it all on my opinion of where the market is headed and to glory in my predictive powers. And when I'm wrong, it hurts. It drives me crazy. I end up throwing more and more money in to try to recoup my losses. And so far I've been lucky enough to make money in this almost mad process. Okay, to put it in perspective, I'm only risking $20 each trade (my account allows me to trade in very very small sizes) and when I am in my 'tilt' mode the most I have risked is $200. That's nowhere near the days when I put up a few thousand and lost it all in ten minutes when I was still extremely naive about this game. But it's the principle of it you see. It scares me to know that there's that thing in me that can discard all reason and go well beyond the boundaries I have set for myself in pursuit of avoiding losses.

I feel a bit like Dr. Jekyll. I'm afraid that Hyde will ultimately consume me and I will self destruct as my boss has.

But I know that as I lay down my life and take up my cross daily, God is faithful and He will keep me safe. I know that as I walk in Him and align my thoughts and desires with His He will make my paths straight. I can't. He can. Even though it hurts, I choose to die to myself and my own desires and embrace Him. I know that He is faithful and that He will provide for me ever so abundantly not just financially but in every aspect of my life.

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I'm an addict!

nobody@vox.com(thaddy) — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 01:05:11 +1030

Everyday I need to have time with God to pray, worship, read the bible. In the past, I always thought that I could dabble a bit in the things of God and still be in control. As I got to know Him more and more though, I found myself getting more and more dependent on Him. Especially recently. Recently it's been really bad. Sometimes I can't go half a day without my fix. If I don't have it, I can't think straight. Things seem like a blur, a dream. I'm numb. I get withdrawal symptoms. Recently I realised that my normal dose just doesn't cut it anymore. It takes more and more of Him to hit the same high compared to before. But I'm stuck, nothing else can do what God does for me!

Just had a large dose of Him. That should tide me over for a couple of hours.

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My Grandma

nobody@vox.com(thaddy) — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 23:36:10 +1030

Just had a car ride with my mum who's just come back from Kuching. I don't think anyone knows this but my grandma has been very sick recently and it got to a point where she refused any additional treatment and decided to go home. Mum was sharing with me this really powerful testimony which really stirred up my faith and I would like to share the testimony too. Here goes.

My grandma first started getting sick a couple of months ago. Her blood pressure was detected to be abnormally high during a medical checkup and she was admitted to the hospital to be monitored by the doctors there. During that time, her condition worsed and her kidneys began to cease function. It was during that time when my family in Perth first heard about the condition and so we began to pray for her to get well. She moved to a private hospital and began dialysis two times a week. After that, her condition improved and we assumed all was well.

The day after camp, we got word that the points where the dialysis needles were inserted into her had got infected. This made the dialysis really painful and she decided to stop treatment and demanded to be sent home. Also her whole body had become bloated due to water retention. The doctors had no choice as she threatened to commit suicide if they didn't allow her to. At that point she had lost all will to live.

We came together as a family and prayed for her complete and total healing. At that moment we believed that the healing was done, and so I didn't want to say anything after that like she's sick or anything like that. My mum went back home a few days later to encourage and support my grandma in person. As far as I knew after that, my grandma was healed.

Tonight my mum shared with me a dream that my grandma had a few days before my mum came back from Kuching. She dreamt that she was younger and she was coming home one day when she saw an unmarked white van parked outside her house. She felt a bit uneasy so she hurried into the house. At that point she felt something ominous creeping up behind her and so she turned around and shut the door. Before the door was fully closed, a white hand managed to push its way in and she couldn't shut it, so she called out for her grandchildren to come and shut the door. In the dream we all came together and beat the hand off with a stick, finally she was able to close the door and the white hand was gone. At that point she woke up screaming and related the whole story to my uncle who was keeping vigil.

When she told the story, she said something really powerful - I'm glad that my grandchildren have the authority to chase away the devil. My mum told me that that night was the turning point for her healthwise, yesterday my uncle called and said that my grandma was a lot better - her appetite was back and the water had begun to dissipate from her body. When my mum had related the whole story to me, I was just utterly amazed at what God has done and continues to do through us as his vessels. This reminds me also that the fire and the power that we received at camp is for a purpose - to do battle with the enemy and to take back what he has robbed from us and our loved ones. It's not just the pastors and the high profile leaders who have this authority and power from God to bring healing and redemption to the lives of the lost and hurting. It's every single one of us.

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The Angel Sleep Early Campaign

nobody@vox.com(thaddy) — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 17:25:08 +1030

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ange says:
everyone's advocating the angel sleep early campaign
thaddy :: Time is the great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all of its students :: says:
OMG time to create a facebook group
ange says:
matt disappears at 12mn everyday. huifu says that she'll cook whatever i want to eat if i sleep by 1am and wake up by 930 every day for a week
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And so the Angel Sleep Early Campaign was born. Because we all know how successfully Facebook groups actually are in dealing with important issues like abortion, world hunger and war.
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ange says:
go on
ange says:
i see how you find a picture for that
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I like a challenge. I think this picture encapsulates what we're trying to do quite nicely.

AngelSleepingMoon

Here's to a world where Angel sleeps at a decent hour at night.

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More on men.

nobody@vox.com(thaddy) — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 01:27:12 +1030

Typically after watching Pride and Prejudice, the bar is significantly raised and women begin to expect all men to be like this:

Mr. Darcy - I'm Too Sexy

But the reality is that most men are more like this:

That 70s Show clip - Eric, funny.

Topher Grace needs love too...

note: new video of mrdarcy. hilarious.

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What man, who's the man, when's a man a man, why's it so hard to be a man, am I a man?

nobody@vox.com(thaddy) — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 03:54:19 +1030

Yes, technically, yes...

Flight of the Conchords Ep 3 Think About it

Flight of the conchords is awesome. One day Derwin and I will form our own FOTC tribute band. I digress. We'll talk about sneakers made by little slave kids in another post. Now I'm going to talk about the issues but I'm keeping it funky.

It's not easy being a guy. We're not as in touch with our feelings as girls. Even if we do hurt, we're expected to take it like a man. Men don't have the support groups that women tend to have. Is it any wonder that on average men tend to feel more lonely than women? And when it comes to girls, man do we not have a clue! Ask any man and he will tell you - girls are such demanding creatures. Anyone who has been a guy long enough has experienced that in the following way:

1. Guy interacts with a girl as he would normally do with any of his male friends.

2. Something seems to have offended the girl.

3. The guy asks what is wrong.

4. Girl says nothings wrong.

5. Guy believes that there is nothing wrong and continues with life as usual.

6. Girl gets even more upset and starts giving guy the cold shoulder.

7. Now the guy is confused because he was gullible and naive enough to believe that nothing was wrong.

8. He now begins the process of figuring out exactly what he did wrong by process of trial and error.

9. He comes up with his best guess and apologises for it to the girl.

10. Obviously he had absolutely no clue what it was and guessed wrongly but with any luck his apology opens up the avenue for him to find out what he really did wrong and he can then apologise for that (if he's smart and humble but mostly smart) even though he does not feel that that was wrong in any way OR he could be a total idiot and insist on his point wherefore he returns to step 4 but the magnitude of the consequences increases exponentially because now his idiocy will be exposed to the girl's closest female friends who will then begin step 6 with him in earnest.

Over the years I've had my share of idiotic insensitive moments, not in the least the first incarnation of this post. For that I apologise. You see, a lot of the time we use our brain and our ego, and normally these two don't mix very well with girls' feelings. It's such an alien concept to us that something hurtful said or done cannot be laughed off and brushed aside just like that.

Another idiotic thing I did this week was to impose on my friendship with someone to get the front table at the 20th anniversary dinner. What started out as a good intention of wanting all my friends to be on the same table and actually go for the night's celebrations turned into a mission to get what I wanted for my table at any cost. Never mind the amount of time that I put in, or that I was stressed and acted that way. There was just no excuse for me to have done what I did and I'm sorry. Why is it that we only ever realise that we've done something wrong after we've done it? Are we just wired this way and are forever doomed to make jackasses of ourselves when dealing with the opposite sex?

We need to start looking at things another way. Girls aren't demanding. They're just different. Heaven knows if we'll ever understand them. But instead of offering our opinions and reasonings about the issues that they're concerned about (which is a waste of time since we have no idea to begin with), maybe we've got to actually suspend our own way of thinking and beliefs of things should be this way and anything else is just illogical AND actually listen. And learn.

So about heart guarding. Lets do it. I don't know if we can actually not inadvertently hurt someone anyway but at least if we put in a conscious effort we'll be getting somewhere. Maybe it's a lot of effort and examing ourselves and our intentions. Maybe it won't make a difference anyway. But if it saves one person a lot of heartache and wondering then isn't it worth it? So girls, bear with us as we grow in Him, just as we bear with you as you grow in Him. Let's love one another as brothers and sisters and look out for each other. And may God's grace make up the difference.

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Money and Happiness

nobody@vox.com(thaddy) — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 18:02:16 +1030

I think as long as I have enough money to do what I want when I want to do it without having to give a crap about what anybody else says or thinks, I'll be happy. - Thaddeus Bong, 18th September 2008

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Join the Swarley Fan Club!

nobody@vox.com(thaddy) — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 11:12:18 +1100

This is Barney in How I Met Your Mother. His real name is Neil Patrick Harris.

Barney

This is Swarley. His real name is Swarley. Call him Swarley.

Swarley

Hope that clears up the confusion.

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India's answer to Lavalife

nobody@vox.com(thaddy) — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 13:53:13 +1100

Bharat

In this day and age where marriage seems to be less and less relevant, much less permanent, it's good to see that there is an organisation championing its cause. bharatmatrimony.com - marriages are forever.

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Planned life

nobody@vox.com(thaddy) — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 11:59:40 +1100

It's been a real full on week! I think I've seen more people more times in the last week than in the rest of the month (and possibly the month before that as well). I would have expected myself to be sick of people by now, but it's actually been quite enjoyable and just good to get my social antennae back into gear again. I have to admit, I was a bit short on Christmas/holiday spirit going into the period. The magic of the season just wasn't there for me. Maybe because recently I've just been so into trading and getting on top of my new line of work that I've neglected the other parts of my life. It was good then to step away from it for a while and just hang out with everyone, which is something that I really enjoy. Kudos to everyone for restoring the magic of the holidays.

Recently I've been thinking a lot about living in the present versus thinking of the past/future. A lot of my focus this year has been on forward looking activities, like career choices, financial planning, wealth creation, goal/mission setting and just thinking about the future in general. Personally, it's been quite a large hurdle to clear between uni life and work life. All of a sudden I've got all this money coming in, which opens up a myriad of possibilities for me; but on the other hand, suddenly all of life's great responsibilities don't seem all too far away. One of my fundamental goals has always been that I want to be financially free by the time I start a family. Not so much for the accumulation of all the fancy bells and whistles in life but just to be able to spend that quality time with the wife and kids without 'having' to miss out due to career/wealth building commitments. I think I only really realised this year that playing house with another person is EXPENSIVE. For a person to get married at my age, they'd have to get into debt for pretty much the rest of their lives to afford the modern essentials of a decent furnished house and a car or two. Not to mention just how costly a wedding is. Not to imply that it's not worth the money being paid of course, but I think a strong marriage and family is hard enough to maintain as it is, without the additional pressures that inevitably comes with needing to stave off that debt. So a little forward planning now, a lot of heartache saved later.

Having said that though, being the very extreme person that I am, I think I have gone a bit too far in looking ahead and doing things for the future that I've missed out on enjoying the moments in the present that I have. After all, all we can be really sure of having is the now moment - once gone it is gone forever. Even though planning for the future is healthy and definitely has its place in life, living now is really important as well. It's quite easy to get into the trap of always having my head thinking and thinking about what I'm going to do for the rest of the day, next week/month/year/decade, always looking forward but never really enjoying the present. Looking back at the last few months I can see that I've really tired myself out thinking about things all the time. I suppose it all comes down to living out a healthy balance between the two. Live too much for the present and you end up with an unprepared future, but live too much in the future and you miss out on living.

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